Solitude
by LithiumLi3
Summary: Atemu found his aibou's journal by accident. He hadn't meant to pry... but... Why were the song lyrics so sad? And why was Yugi avoiding him now? Did Yugi even care that Atemu wanted him so badly he'd broken up with Seto? Did he even know? REVISED CHAP. 1
1. No Cause for Worry

_**Solitude** _

_Taken from Evanescence, and changed a tiny bit._

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN Yu-Gi-Oh! nor Solitude by Evanescence, so no suing!!**_

_How many times have you told me you love him?  
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.  
How long have I stood here beside you?  
I live through you  
You looked through me...  
Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
I can't stay away from you  
How many times have I done this to myself?  
How long will it take before I see?  
When will this hole in my heart be mended?  
Who now is left alone but me?  
Solitude,  
Forever me and forever you  
Only you, only true  
Everyone leaves me stranded  
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind  
I'll cry myself to sleep another night...  
Your secret admirer;  
Who could it be?  
Can't you see  
All along it was me?  
How can you be so blind  
As to see right through me?  
Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
I can't stay away from you  
Forever me and forever you  
Only you, only true..._

That's what the song said. Atemu stared at the book, and then back at the picture of Yugi and his friends on his bed-side table. The joyful expression didn't match the tone of the song... '_What is going on with you, aibou?_'

* * *

CHAPTER 1

Atemu's POV

Atemu sighed, bored. School absolutely sucked. And he had just broken up with Seto, too. Gods weren't looking upon him too kindly now-a-days... Life was crashing down on the Game King. He missed Yugi badly, but the little hikari was out with his friends again... or at least, that's what he said. He said that every time he left, but Jounouchi had pulled Atemu aside one day, actually just yesterday, and told him that Yugi hadn't been talking to them recently. He'd wanted to know if Yugi was mad at them. Atemu responded as best as he could, saying that as far as he knew, Yugi wasn't mad at anyone.

Atemu looked longingly at the picture on his bedside table. Yugi wasn't with his friends, he was out somewhere, he was alone, and Atemu couldn't do anything. He felt so helpless right then... And he didn't know what to do... And being without his aibou was killing him slowly... '_Yugi..._'

Yugi's POV (MAIN POV)

I was sitting carefully on the edge of Domino Pier 183 when I felt the loneliness of Atemu wash through the link. True, it really shouldn't be there, since we no longer shared a body, and normally it was closed off anyway, since Atemu started going out with Seto (which I had encouraged him to do since it was obvious Atemu really wanted him, even though it broke my heart to do so) but it was really unexpected when the loneliness came crashing through, which led me immediately to read the link.

'_/I worry about you, Yugi.../_

_/What happened to you?/_

_/Why are you lying to me, and not talking to your friends?/_

_/We're all worried about you.../_

_/My aibou... And why do you write such sad songs?/_'

That last one caught my interest. He had read my journal!? My privacy had been invaded... I felt a flash of anger. Why did people always have to pry? Why the hell were they always so god-damned worried about me? Couldn't they see that I simply wanted to be alone? But that wasn't true. I was lying. To myself. I didn't want to be alone. I'm actually afraid of being alone. Because if no one's there, there's no one to stop me from hurting myself.

I looked down at my wrists. They were covered up in bandages and the bandages were covered in armwarmers, and those had spiked wrist-bands on them. But they hid the damage I'd done to myself once I recognized how much I loved Atemu. How I would give him anything to make him happy, even if I couldn't be the one who made him smile.

The pain was strange, because it wasn't just in my heart, or in my head, it was in my _wrist_ too. But then I remember Atemu once telling me that the wrist was the closest thing to your heart you can physically touch, because the veins were so close to the skin, and they were main veins(arteries), and to touch that represented a deep love if there were any reaction. My only response to that would be, so what does pain there mean?

I sighed, and stood up to go back home. I'd have to have a talk with Atemu. He had invaded my privacy, and now he was worrying like the Yami he hadn't been in a long time, when I really didn't want it the most. I hate my life... I really do... It's just too... complicated... and hard...

**Lithium-** smiles brightly despite the torture she has just put both of her favourite characters in anime (besides a few exceptions) in Well... that was fun! There will be more soon!

**Li-** bashes her Hikari on the head for her stupidity Duh there'll be more soon, but right now we've got about a million fan-girls giving us DEATH GLARES!!! smacks her Hikari again

**Lithium-** pouts and rubs her abused head Well then they shouldn't read it, unless they want to see how it ends, AND I might be willing to give a sneak preview of some certain chapters in Reality!

**Li-** sighs You're hopeless... I hope you get shot...

**Lithium-** smiles sweetly at her Yami But then you wouldn't be here, now would you?

**Li-** twitches ...

**Lithium-** hums absently, then waves, bows and walks off, leaving a very pissed off Li to glare at the world of fan-girls


	2. Blood and Tears

_How many times have you told me you love him?_

**Yugi's POV**

I arrived at the game shop quickly, and slammed the door as soon as I was inside, my anger only have increased as I thought about all the frustration and pain I'd been through on my way home. And it was Atemu's fault(even though part of it was mine). I went immediately to my room, slamming the door behind me, and flopped onto my bed, feeling the anger leave and tears follow in it's wake. Of course, all my door-slamming had caught Atemu's attention.

"Yugi? Are you okay?"

Atemu hadn't called me anything but name for a long time now, in case you were wondering where the 'aibou', 'hikari', and 'little one' went to. Just Yugi. No terms of endearment, not gentle, tender eyes glancing at me as the name was said, no gorgeous smile flashing my way as our eyes meet... No, all of that had been tossed out the window. It was gone, utterly and completely.

_As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.  
_

"Yugi?"

_**How long have I stood here beside you?  
I lived through you  
You looked through me...**_

I still hadn't bothered to respond. Instead, I ripped off my spiked wrist-bands, the arm-warmers, and the bandages, dropping them where ever on the floor, before going into my bathroom, (the one inside my room), and closing the door behind me. I glanced at the reflection in the mirror for a moment, taking in the defeated look in my eyes, the sallow skin and the unhealthy thiness of my face. My cheeks were sunken, the baby fat my genetics had eternally cursed me with had vanished sompletely, now linging to the bones of my face, making it appear hollow, and the bags under my eyes from little to no sleep every night didn't help much either.

_**Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
I can't stay away from you**_

I sighed, and looked around my bathroom. Where was it? Then I remembered. I'd hidden it in the medicine cabinet. Irony right there, people. I oushed the mirror away, and took out the razor. The glinting metal made me smile ever so slightly, though it wasn't a happy smile. It was one of relief. And weariness. I looked at my wrists. There were cuts that hadn't fully healed, and scars that were very old, showing I'd been doing this for a long time.

_**How many times have I done this to myself?  
How long will it take before I see?  
When will this hole in my heart be mended?  
Who now is left alone but me?**_

Slowly, almost as if in a trance, I lifeted the razor, and set it against my right wrist, and digging deeply into my skin as the pain hit me, and then instant calm relief. I let out a sigh, and dragged it through my skin until it was on the other side of my wrist. Then, I switched hands, and gave the same treatment to my left wrist, moaning as the pain was swept away by the strange pleasure that washed over me when I finished cutting.

_**Solitude,  
Forever me and forever you  
Only you, only true**_

I closed my eyes for a moment, and let out a low sigh, before realizing I couldn't open my eyes again. I didn't panic though. No, instead, I let myself slip. It was getting dark. And that was nice. It was quiet, and peaceful. No pain... Not worrying... Yes, this was very nice...

"gasp YUGI!!!! AIBOU!!! Oh gods, Yugi!!!"

And then, I blacked out. 

Drip-Beep-Drip-Beep-Drip-Beep-Drip-

I opened my eyes, and groaned when I was blinded by white light. A hand placed itself on my shoulder. And I, not thinking very clearly, obviously, moaned, trying to pull away, saying, "No, Yami, five more minutes! I don't wanna wake up for school yet!" There was a sort of half-chuckle at that.

"Aibou, you're not going to school today."

I gave a half grunt. "Good, now let me go back to sleep." I mumbled, and tried to roll over.

Pain raced up my veins, making me gasp, and open my eyes in shock. Atemu was looking at me worriedly.

"Aibou? Are you alright?"

I blinked and looked at my left arm, which had been the one to pain me. There was a red tube leading up to a red sack hanging on a metal pole/perch/hanger/thing. Then I realized it was an IV, anf the tubes were blood. I frowned slightly. Where did we ever keep an IV? I looked at Atemu, and then I again realized he had called me 'aibou'. When did that start? (In case you didn't know, when I first wake up, it takes a long time for my brain to register anything.)

Atemu was looking at me, concern still etched on his face. I gave him a weak smile. "Hai. I'm fine." I said, and looked at the ceiling, which I regretted because the lights were **_really_** bright. I frowned at them, and then cleared my face of emotion, silence allowing me to check over what happened mentally. I remembered cutting, and then... closing my eyes... and the calm... and then...

_**"gasp YUGI!!!! AIBOU!!! Oh gods, Yugi!!!"**_

The silence broke when Atemu asked a question. "Aibou... why were you cutting yourself?"

I snorted in reply. "Like you care." I said bitterly, and looked at the door. I didn't see Atemu's look of hurt. I didn't recognise the door. It wasn't mahogany wood, like at our house. It looked like the waxy stuff you find in official buildings... and hospitals. Then it hit me. Ah, so we were at a hospital. Duh... Atemu spoke up again.

"How could you think I didn't care about you, my hikari?"

Hikari? I looked at Atemu, and now saw the pain in hid face. Immediate guilt hit me. I was causing my love pain. '_BAD ME!_' I mentally yelled at myself. I didn't answer his question. "Gomen, Atemu-sama." I said. I never used suffixes when using Atemu's name. We were simply too familiar for that... but... "I promise you I won't hurt you like that again."

Atemu looked at me, confused. But he didn't say anything. And I closed my eyes once more. Maybe jumping off the clif on the edge of town was a good place to stop causing him pain... I thought to myself before letting sleep fully claim me.


	3. Self Loathing

_**Your secret admirer... who could it be?**_

I stared up at the ceiling of the hospital room, bored. I had nothing to do but sit and wait until Atemu had decided I was ready to leave.

Can you die of boredom in hospitals? Or can they revive you with all those crappy pills?

Jounouchi-kun visited me yesterday. He was disappointed in me.

**FLASHBACK:**

_**"Yug', I thought you knew better... I thought you were better... Why'd you do it, Yug'?"**_

**_I stared listlessly at the ceiling. Atemu, being the wonderful, kind, loving beautiful, perfect... '_This is going a little too far..._' person that he was, had never asked me, never brought up why I'd been cutting myself. He didn't ask. But Jou did. Jou, with his brusque way of handling things, had seemed so disgusted in me, asking me why..._**

_**"Jou, Yugi doesn't need to tell us that right now." Atemu's calm, silky, dangerously sexy voice broke through the silence. Jou glowered at him, and then glared at me hatefully, which made me flinch when I met his gaze, and Atemu growled. "Leave, Jou, if you have not come to wish Yugi a speedy recovery."**_

_**Jou left.**_

**END FLASHBACK**

'(_Yeah, but he has no idea what you're going through... Remember, he already has his perfect match, Mai 'Slut' Something-Or-Other. He doesn't know anything about your feelings for the Pharaoh... or the fact that every moment you're dying on the inside. He isn't even a true enough friend that he doesn't _see_ that. You'd have to be blind..._)'

I made a face, and protested against myself on Jounouchi's behalf.

'_Love blinds people._'

Of course, I had an arguement for that one too.

'(_Yeah, but if that's true, then that means the Pharaoh will never see, and then, when they're gone, you'll be the only one left completely and totally alone._)'

I sighed. I hate it when my mind's right. And it only made me feel worse. And it gets better. Apparently Atemu felt all that self-contempt, sorrow, and aching betrayal through the mind-link, because he came running back in only to tackle me against the mattress of my bed and hold me close like he used to, stroking various parts of my hair and face, murmuring to me. I almost didn't respond, but it felt so much like it used to before he went out with Seto-kun that I broke into tears.

Gods-damn me. I will jump off that cliff as soon as I get a chance.

More self-loathing through the mind-link. Atemu held me tighter, kissing my forehead, my eyelids, tears running down his face as well.

'_Great, now he's hurt even more because of me. Good doing, Yugi. You fucked things up again!_'

I pulled away from Atemu, looking at the floor. Suddenly that really super-clean tile of cream and gray was very interesting. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done this... making you worry... and..." Trying to not tell him my feelings while talking to him was a futile attempt, so I shut the fuck up. Not that Atemu wanted to hear what I had to say anyway. "Don't you need to be with Seto or something?" It took all of my effort and strength to keep the sorrow, and bitterness out of my voice, but I think it was still there anyway...

_**Can't you see, all along it was me?**_

_**How can you be so blind as to see right through me?**_

Atemu shook his head. "We broke up, Yugi."

Blink.

Silence.

Blink.

Processing information that didn't compute...

"What?" My tone was laced with a mixture of disbelief and hope. Had he said what I really hope he'd said? Atemu didn't hear that, thank the gods.

"Seto and I are no longer going out, Yugi."

"..."

"I have found someone else I love... so much more..."

Heartbreak. I forced a bright, happy smile onto my face. It must have failed, but Atemu wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was looking at the floor, a light blush on his face. That was odd... my sexy god doesn't blush... at least... not often... and normally it was because I teased him with something he didn't know about modern society '(_MISTLETOE +evil cackle+_)'... or we ended up on a... suggestive... possition on the floor because of my clumsiness... or our hands happened to touch each other's at the same time or I stood just a little too close...

**_Solitude,_**

**_Forever me and forever you_**

**_Only you only true..._**

"Who?" I asked. My eyes widened as his blush deepened to the point where it was noticable to ANYONE who looked at him at the moment.

'_Kawaiiiii!!!!!!!!!_'

"Umm..." Atemu cleared his throat. "Do you promise not to run screaming?" Bewildered, I nodded, not exactly sure where this was going.

'_Oh gods, don't say Jou! Or Anzu... shudders Anyone but Anzu..._'

Atemu took a deep breath, and looked me dead in the eye.

"Yugi, the one I love is..."

(((+Cue dramatic pause+)))

"You."

I think my heart stopped beating.

I couldn't make any coherant sound when I tried to reply, so instead, I used the mind-link.

//_ATEMU+mental glomp+ I love you too!_//

_**The End**_


	4. SPECIAL!

_**PREVIEW OF UPCOMING EVENS IN REALITY:**_

_It's so dark here... It reminds me of the Shadow Realm... but there are no colors..._

_

* * *

_

_"**Hey runt, whutter ye doin' hea?**"_

_Jounouchi-kun? I turn to see my best friend, but freeze, seeing that look I remembered only too well. The one he'd given me before we were friends, that icey predatory look. Normally warm honey brown eyes glared at me coldly, and I shivered._

_"Jounouchi-kun...?"_

_A snort of disgust, and suddenly I was pushed against a wall. I winced, but looked at my friend, confused, lost, afraid..._

_"**Don't look at me like that, runt! You know better by now...**"_

_Why?_

_

* * *

_

_Anzu pushed me roughly against the pavement._

_"**Get away from me, freak! Can't you see I just wanted your Yami all along? I never liked you.**"_

_I looked down. Of course... she blamed me for everything that happened to the Pharaoh. It was my fault. I wasn't good enough._

_

* * *

_

_Ryou simply sighed with imaptience._

_"**Yugi, I don't care. I don't want to hear your pathetic whining. Stop being so selfish.**"_

_I stopped. I was selfish, wasn't I? A worthless, friendless, selfish, stupid person... and it took me this long to realize it..._

_

* * *

_

_Honda looked away._

_"**Faggot.**"_

_

* * *

_

_Atemu sneered at me, glaring down his nose._

_"**Why the hell would I even care about a pathetic thing like you? Worthless, useless, stupid thing that you are, you should feel lucky that I even let you live. Even let you in my presence. Don't disgrace me with your insignificant feelings.**"_

_I had no defence against that. Nothing to break the mental walls. Nothing to contradict what he said, because..._

_It was all true..._

_**END**_


End file.
